Did he know?

It's always hard to lose someone.  It's even worse when it's unexpected. While I don't consider myself an expert on grief, I do believe I qualify to speak about it.

At the end of anybody's life, the only question that really matters is, "Did he know you loved him?".

Did he know that you loved him when he was alive?  If he did, then you have walked the talk of love.  Love is not passive. It is active.

The point is that we have to show our love while people are alive!  Death is final.  There is no second chance.

You can claim to have loved someone so much and so hard after they are dead.  But if you didn't show it while they were alive, then it counts for nothing.

We have to remember this.

Live, love and never be afraid of saying "I love you".  Let them know.  

(All pics from the WWW)

Of connecting the dots

I don't really consider myself a superstitious person.  I might have grown up exposed to many tales of supernatural phenomena but I believe that they didn't really have much of an impact on me.  Usually, the old wives' tales are considered to be almost as close as you can get to fact.  Why?  The old women say so!  

I usually sit on the fence when I hear of anything unexplainable.  Sometimes I can see right through it.  At other times, I wonder about a logical explanation.  It used to amuse me that people always laid claim to "knowing", beforehand, about an event that occurred but only after it took place.  They normally begin by saying "I had a feeling about it."  Then they elaborate about having a dream or seeing it in some vision.  Sometimes, they just say that they knew it.  

When I was young, I think I did fall for some of it.  I remember being in awe of these people and I felt that they had some special power. 

I still don't know where I stand on this issue.  

Of course, it's not important but I do have some personal experiences, which I don't understand nor which I can explain.

The first one was when DC died; two different people told me that they had dreamt of him.   

One lived in Penang, the other in Kuala Lumpur and they were not in contact with each other.  Yet when they related their dream to me, at different opportunities, it was uncanny.  It was as if they had seen the same movie and told me about it.  I don't think they would have concocted this. Why would they?  I pondered over it for a long time and until today; I cannot understand how two complete individuals could  have an almost identical dream.  Even the dialogue in the dream was similar.  How do we connect the dots?  

The second co-incidence is that DC died on 26 March which is 5 days after my birthday on 21 March.  Unbelievably, Eric, my second boy died on 17 July also exactly 5 days after Jared's birthday on 12 July.  What are the odds of that happening?  A gambling person might say a million to one.  What's the significance?  I don't know.  

What brought all this up? I am thinking of Eric today.

Anyway, it was timely that just less than an hour ago, a friend of mine began to sort out some thoughts in his head and writing it down in his email to me.  In the end, he said it was getting complicated and just stopped abruptly.  No further analysis and no more trudging through the whole rigmarole.  He just put a smiley and that was it.  This got me thinking about how easy it is to dismiss what is too much trouble to sort out.  That is if one really wants to!

When I replied to his email, I told him that he should bottle up that quality and sell it.  I added that he'd be a millionaire.  Upon hindsight, I think that people won't want it.  People love spending time connecting the dots. 

I'll end this on a lighter note.  See image to smile.

(all images from photobucket)
Apologies to blondes!

I miss him.

Much as I try to avoid reading about Aminulrasyid and the stories that surround his death, it is near impossible to do so.  Instead, I find myself asking people what they think about it and I see that many bloggers have picked up on the subject because there are myriad sides that bear discussion.

I see many people looking at the big picture.  Why was he out so late? Weren't his parents aware of his absence from the home?  Why did his sister leave the keys around?  Didn't the police have reason enough to fire at him?  Why didn’t he stop? And. The. List. Goes. On.

So many thousands of questions floating around in cyberspace with no answers available.

Perhaps we should just look at the small picture then.  This child is dead.  I believe that if we only focus on this, we would be able to see the reality of the circumstances that led to his sudden death.  

This cannot be the time to dig into the background of his short life.  He's dead.  We should only ask, "Should he be dead?”  

No.  

For this reason, I cannot understand why some are looking at the big picture and saying irrelevant things.

Unless you have lost a child of your own, can you really know the pain and unbearable sadness.   I have and so I understand a bit of what it must be like for his mother.  

I miss my son who died when he was two years old.  However, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to lose a child of fourteen years.  I just cannot imagine.

At times like this, I feel for his mom as Mother's Day looms ahead.


Aminulrasyid is dead.  His life is over but those that loved him deeply will carry this pain for a long while.  It is not going to be the pain of having given birth to him or of losing him in such a tragic way.  

It will be the pain of feeling "I miss him".  

Till death (or divorce) do us part

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated. A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe.

Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman. She ran towards him, calling his name: "Joe Darling... Joe…..."

Joe said "Hold your horses, woman, and don't 'darling' me. The deal was very clear...

"Until death do us part"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got that joke from my sis. It stayed in my mind for a while and now I've decided to write about it.

Marriage vows made are valid only as long as both are living. Therefore, the phrase "till death do us part" is really part of the deal. I used to have the notion that love only happens once in a lifetime. When your spouse dies, love shouldn't figure in your life again. That's a myth!!!

So I don't subscribe to that notion anymore. I believe that if one's spouse dies, life must go on. Some may choose to honour the memory of their loved one by remaining alone. Some others just move on and welcome whatever life offers to them with an open heart and mind.

"Till death do us part" is a wise clause to have in a marriage. It opens the door to the one left behind to having a second chance at happiness. After all, why must the death of one mean the end of life for the other?

I know that those who choose never to love again, because they feel they would never find anyone to measure up to the one they lost, are equally normal in every sense of the word. I suspect, though, that they probably frown upon others who can and do move on in another relationship. Those who do, probably raise their eyebrows at those who don't. Neither is the better. Every person is unique and every situation exclusive.

When there is a death, I know that it's the lesser of two evils, if compared to divorce. Death is final.

Divorce, like death, also means the end of a marriage. Both parties agree to give up and move on. Sometimes, only one is emotionally ready to do so and the other is not really given the option to stay.

From what I've seen among family and friends, I think death makes for a cleaner cut. The ties are severed completely. There is no more chance for reconciliation and makes "moving on" a tad easier.

"Till divorce do us part" sounds very much as if everything is over. Kaput. Ended. Not true.

More often than not, the links and old familiar feelings remain for a bit before they fade into oblivion.

Divorce can be amicable. Rare but not impossible because I've seen it firsthand. My parents divorced and they were always cordial. My mom got on with my step-mom. Nevertheless, it's important to know that this can only be so, if both sides close that chapter of their lives and move on. I remember my mom feeling hurt before the divorce. Once she decided to end the relationship, she closed that door and moved on. No more ill feelings and never a twinge of regret. She never looked back and I'm glad for her. It was the right thing for her to do.

Some get divorced and almost immediately remarry. Perhaps they feel smug about moving on so quickly. Not smart, I think. Divorce, like death, should have a mourning period. A time to heal, mend, and be completely over that love. Yes, love would have been there, at the start.

This sort of "cooling off" period is essential because a divorce can be so unpleasant. More so when one pretends to be a victim and betrays the memory of what was once a union of love.

In today's world, the vows "till death do us part" might very well be "till divorce do us part".

What say you?

all pics from here

Sudden death?

What exactly is "SUDDEN DEATH"?

Picked this up from Wikipedia.


In a sport or game, sudden death (or a sudden-death round) is a form of competition where play ends as soon as one competitor is ahead of the others, with that competitor becoming the winner.

Sudden death is typically used as a tiebreaker when a contest is tied at the end of the normal playing time or the completion of the normal playing task.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Michael Jackson is dead and ....

In today's world, one doesn't have to be in Los Angeles. One only needs to have a handphone, internet connection or Cable TV to be informed of any event around the world.

It's not even 7 am and already I've received two smses to inform me that Michael Jackson died. Last night I saw the news the Farrah Fawcett succumbed to cancer. No one cared, no one smsed. It was just news. But Michael Jackson dying of a heart attack is BREAKING NEWS.

I wasn't a fan of Farrah Fawcett. I considered her frivolous and full of herself. Well, that's just my opinion. Anyway, I had always thought Jaclyn Smith more beautiful to look at and, if I were a guy, she would be my choice!

While it is really sad that he is dead, it's the children that I am thinking of and, strangely, worried about. What will become of them? As always, I know there will be everyone scrambling to get custody of them. I can only pray that they will come out of this media circus unscathed.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson. Rest in peace, Farrah Fawcett.

Of what is felt by the heart

In the last 2 weeks, most Malaysians talked, read or wrote about and participated in something related to Kugan a/l Ananthan. That also included me! Of course, I read whatever I could to follow the story.

In life, what makes us relate to events is also what is personal to us.

What drew me to Kugan’s story was that he was 22 years old. 


My son is 22. 


What tugged at my heart was also Kugan’s mom and how the death of her son was so publicised. The horror of losing her child must have been compounded by the rumours that abounded as well as all the speculations about the cause of his death. 


Having known only the pain of losing a child, I can only guess how the other emotions would have been for her. It would probably have been so difficult for her to fully understand the gamut of emotions she felt. Probably it would have been, just, shock first. Then very quickly, it would have been followed by the bombardment of information from all sources. It would have been so hard to reconcile all that.

I hope that, in the midst of it all, she was surrounded by people who looked out for her. I mean, really for her. It’s what I would have wanted, no, needed, if I were her. I pray that she’ll be well.