The "F" word

Finally! (No, that's not the "F" word). Finally, I'm 51.  

The "F" word is the FIFTIES.  

I remember being very excited turning 50. I guess I must have used up all the excitement then. This time, and it's the first time, I wasn't really excited about my birthday. It's my 51st birthday.  In roman numerals it would be LI.  

Yes, I'm aware that it's not a milestone. 50 is the turning point but not 51. Is that the reason why I am not excited? I don't really know.

I did feel the need to shop and get new stuff and that always leaves me with a feeling of great satisfaction. Unrelated to my birthday because I can feel the need for shopping at the drop of a hat and it always makes me happy.

I distinctly remember that when I was 46, I hatched a plan to write a letter to my mom, my dad and an aunt telling them how much I appreciate them, love them and saying how they had influenced me. I thought that it would be great to prepare the letter and give it to them when I turned 50.

It was not a difficult task. When I finished writing those letters, I felt very happy with myself. Then, I decided that I shouldn't wait. What if one of them died before I turned 50? What if I died first? Would anyone find these letters? It was then that I felt there was no need to wait. Yet, all four of us were alive when I celebrated my 50th birthday. Who was to know?

Anyway, every opportunity we have to show love, give love, plan love should be impromptu. There should be no time line and certainly no dead line.

The FIFTIES brings changes. Menopause, being one of them, can be a bitch and it will happen to every woman. Some come out of it unscathed and others may have a terrible period of adjustment and in serious cases, need hormone replacement therapy. However, it also marks the era when you can finally decide not to take any shit from anybody anymore. Know that this is liberating.

For me, reaching the fifties has always been an unconscious goal. It seemed to be the final hurdle I had to conquer. It meant the end of all my debts. It meant the culmination of 31 years of continued work. For a short span of time, I even considered retiring. Only good friends and a great network of family members helped me see that I can still do a lot to contribute to society. Their gentle words of advice and comments gave me the impulse to consider working for a little bit more. I have the earning power and I have the knowledge and capabilities to carry on. I think the option that I could just stay home tomorrow and not work anymore is wonderful. I have a choice. I am grateful for that.

The FIFTIES doesn’t fall in the same category as the “F” word as we all know it.

There is a freedom that comes with being in your FIFTIES that is very refreshing.

So with that said, HAPPY FIFTIES to me! It ain’t half bad! 

21 March 2009

Of Being 50

Even before my birthday, I was already excited about it.

Thanks to my sweet boss, I had a pre-birthday lunch celebration with my colleagues at the Lake Club. The food was so delicious and the company was really great. It is nice to be able to interact with colleagues on a social level and find that apart from official matters, we have much in common.

When the lunch was over, one of my colleagues asked me what it meant to me to be 50. I was stumped for a couple of seconds. Although I did reply, something insignificant, almost immediately, his question did set me thinking a bit more about it.

So what does being 50 mean to me?

Physically: I think I look okay. Many have told me that I still look great. Okay, admittedly the body could be in better shape. However, I enjoy good health. I am not so out of my mind as to think I can pull off wearing a tight body hugging lycra outfit. I believe I dress sensibly and comfortably. I still look good in some outfits.

Emotionally: I’ve come a long way, for sure. I see life and love differently. I don’t take people or anything for granted. I enjoy living and I make the most out of it. I have learnt to be happy even when there is sadness around me. I believe that I am quite strong emotionally.

Intellectually: I realise that being 50 doesn’t mean I know everything. I don’t. I do know that there’s still so much more to learn. There’s a lesson in every meeting, every encounter and every situation. Anytime is a good time to be stimulated intellectually. Age is no barrier if the will is there.

Sexually: Hmmmm. Hmmmmm. Who said it’s the end of the road when you turn 50? Don’t you believe it?

Financially: To have been working since I was 19 has given me some sort of stability. I know it’s not what makes life count. However, it is an intangible “reward” to be able to look back with some pride, at having been able to fend for oneself.

In a nutshell, being 50 is no different from being 20 or 30 or 40. It’s just that, for me, I had looked forward to this day for a long time. Why? I don’t exactly know!

Maybe for me, it’s like a checkpoint. Somewhat like when I go to Singapore. We go through the Tuas Checkpoint to make sure everything is in order. So being 50 was my checkpoint. To see if I’ve done what I had set out to do in life. If not, to get back on track. It’s also to see if I’ve made my life count. Not really by anything global but by the thousands of little good deeds here and there and everywhere. Plus it’s a great time to check the relationships that need mending and tending. Being 50 is just as good a time as any to do that.

Over the last 50 years, I’ve been terribly sad but I’ve also been deliriously happy. What I remember most from those years is the good times. It’s the memories that keep me grounded. It’s the love and support of family and friends that keep me going. It’s the only reason to celebrate life and living.

Birthday After Thoughts

I just love being 50. Doesn't it show?

Often, we let the chances to enjoy the love of family pass us by. Sometimes it is because time is unavailable and opportunities to do so are ignored.

However, there are occasions when time and opportunity meet and a beautiful moment can happen. It happened to me.

My day started with a visit to the Matriarch of the family. Giving her the due respect she deserves.

I had no grand illusions about celebrating my birthday. I just chose to visit my dad's eldest brother, Rufino Soliano and his effervescent wife, Shirley.

It was the first time that Jared would be meeting them and I just wanted to spend the day in the company of family and loved ones. However, the topic came to birthdays and when they enquired about mine, they were stunned that I had not mentioned it.

It wasn’t something planned but as it turned out, there was a cake! Their daughter, Jacinta brought it later in the evening as a surprise. It was really sweet of them to make it so memorable.

I think that, at any age, love is the best gift of all. But when you are 50, you begin to appreciate its value even more.

Being connected by the blood ties and surrounded by the strong feeling of loving and being loved on a day when you reach half a century is, for me, the only way to really enjoy the celebration of life and, of course, of love.

In my heart, I know that an ideal day would be with ALL loved ones, but when that cannot happen, then even a select group can make up for those absent or missing.

Stephen and me with Uncle Rufino and Aunt Shirley.

Jared with his Grand Uncle and Grand Aunt.

Jared having an impromptu lesson.

The celebration carried on to the next day at Jacinta's home. This time with music.

In the Soliano family, music runs in their veins.

Music and singing is second nature to the Solianos.

Jacinta prepared a lovely tea and dinner for us. Lovely not only being so delicious but prepared with love.

Rufino, now retired, is an icon in the music industry. He was with RTS and SBC as the Music Director and Composer for decades. He has been involved with music since his mid-teens. He is a walking encyclopedia of everything there is to know of old school music.

In the two days that we spent there, I think Jared had the best time of his life. Getting to know more of his roots and also to get first-hand advice from the grand master. Watching them interact, with only the language of music and love, was the best present for my 50th birthday.

Special thanks Uncle Rufi, Aunt Shirley to Jacinta, Aunty Corrine, Clarissa, Naomi, Timothy and Tipper for their wishes and their love.