The "F" word

Finally! (No, that's not the "F" word). Finally, I'm 51.  

The "F" word is the FIFTIES.  

I remember being very excited turning 50. I guess I must have used up all the excitement then. This time, and it's the first time, I wasn't really excited about my birthday. It's my 51st birthday.  In roman numerals it would be LI.  

Yes, I'm aware that it's not a milestone. 50 is the turning point but not 51. Is that the reason why I am not excited? I don't really know.

I did feel the need to shop and get new stuff and that always leaves me with a feeling of great satisfaction. Unrelated to my birthday because I can feel the need for shopping at the drop of a hat and it always makes me happy.

I distinctly remember that when I was 46, I hatched a plan to write a letter to my mom, my dad and an aunt telling them how much I appreciate them, love them and saying how they had influenced me. I thought that it would be great to prepare the letter and give it to them when I turned 50.

It was not a difficult task. When I finished writing those letters, I felt very happy with myself. Then, I decided that I shouldn't wait. What if one of them died before I turned 50? What if I died first? Would anyone find these letters? It was then that I felt there was no need to wait. Yet, all four of us were alive when I celebrated my 50th birthday. Who was to know?

Anyway, every opportunity we have to show love, give love, plan love should be impromptu. There should be no time line and certainly no dead line.

The FIFTIES brings changes. Menopause, being one of them, can be a bitch and it will happen to every woman. Some come out of it unscathed and others may have a terrible period of adjustment and in serious cases, need hormone replacement therapy. However, it also marks the era when you can finally decide not to take any shit from anybody anymore. Know that this is liberating.

For me, reaching the fifties has always been an unconscious goal. It seemed to be the final hurdle I had to conquer. It meant the end of all my debts. It meant the culmination of 31 years of continued work. For a short span of time, I even considered retiring. Only good friends and a great network of family members helped me see that I can still do a lot to contribute to society. Their gentle words of advice and comments gave me the impulse to consider working for a little bit more. I have the earning power and I have the knowledge and capabilities to carry on. I think the option that I could just stay home tomorrow and not work anymore is wonderful. I have a choice. I am grateful for that.

The FIFTIES doesn’t fall in the same category as the “F” word as we all know it.

There is a freedom that comes with being in your FIFTIES that is very refreshing.

So with that said, HAPPY FIFTIES to me! It ain’t half bad! 

21 March 2009