07 May 2010

I miss him.

Much as I try to avoid reading about Aminulrasyid and the stories that surround his death, it is near impossible to do so.  Instead, I find myself asking people what they think about it and I see that many bloggers have picked up on the subject because there are myriad sides that bear discussion.

I see many people looking at the big picture.  Why was he out so late? Weren't his parents aware of his absence from the home?  Why did his sister leave the keys around?  Didn't the police have reason enough to fire at him?  Why didn’t he stop? And. The. List. Goes. On.

So many thousands of questions floating around in cyberspace with no answers available.

Perhaps we should just look at the small picture then.  This child is dead.  I believe that if we only focus on this, we would be able to see the reality of the circumstances that led to his sudden death.  

This cannot be the time to dig into the background of his short life.  He's dead.  We should only ask, "Should he be dead?”  


For this reason, I cannot understand why some are looking at the big picture and saying irrelevant things.

Unless you have lost a child of your own, can you really know the pain and unbearable sadness.   I have and so I understand a bit of what it must be like for his mother.  

I miss my son who died when he was two years old.  However, I cannot imagine what it must feel like to lose a child of fourteen years.  I just cannot imagine.

At times like this, I feel for his mom as Mother's Day looms ahead.

Aminulrasyid is dead.  His life is over but those that loved him deeply will carry this pain for a long while.  It is not going to be the pain of having given birth to him or of losing him in such a tragic way.  

It will be the pain of feeling "I miss him".  


SAJ said...

Dear Lita,

Thank you very much for this beautiful,heartfelt posting.

You have eloquently captured the sentiments of all of us who emphathise with his family.

Yes, Aminul was our child too.


Anonymous said...

You've said what no one else could say or thought to say.

And that is so you.

They'll never come back here and that finality is heart-breaking.

For some of us,Mother's Day will bring fresh hurts.

Thinking of you, Lita. Stay strong, Sis.

God bless,

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Dear Jaya

Thank you for your kind comments. I had debated whether or not to write this and finally I gave in to temptation.

I am really glad not to be alone in my sentiments about the senseless loss of life.

Thank you, Jaya, for your visit.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Farida dear,

It's going to be tough days ahead for Amirulrasyid's family.

I sincerely hope people will remember them and pray that they have the courage and strength to get by.

I'm also thinking of you and remember that I am just an sms away, okay!

God bless you too, Sis.

Antares said...

Only you, Lita, could have articulated the poignancy of this utterly senseless death. Aminulrasyid now has almost 72,000 fans on a Facebook page dedicated to him. Yes, he was an extremely cute boy with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. In a more civilized country, he would have been stopped by the cops, found to be driving without a licence - and probably fined 500 bucks and let off with a slap on the wrist. No need for a bullet in the head... followed by a disgusting, jack-booted official attempt to cover-up a tragic mistake.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Dear Antares,

I can understand why so many have become fans on Aminulrasyid's Facebook page. It's because so many had done what he did and lived. It just cannot be fair that he had to be the exception.

I agree with you that he should have just been stopped by the cops. I am sure he would have been more worried about facing his mom and sister than being caught. He wasn't driving a Porsche or a Ferrari. He couldn't possibly have outrun two police cars. So why didn't they just chase him?

Thank you, Antares for your comment.

xox :)

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Estrelita, it is sad when reading about these unfortunate cases. We too read a lot of similiar stories here.
And I guess we cannot imagine what the mother or parents go thru. Their great loss, their sorrow, their not knowing....

You keep well and have a great week, best regards, Lee.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Hello Lee

Yes, it is really sad but life goes on. Even when we think we cannot, we wake up to face a new day.

Thanks for visiting again. I love it when you do.

Happy Blogging! :)

Johan H said...

I had no idea you had lost one of your own. I'm very sorry to hear that. A month ago a lady friend of mine lost hers due to miscarriage. She was only 3 months along, a small tragedy compared to the effort and emotions you've invested in your 2 year old. I can only imagine how losing a 14-year old would be like, what more under the circumstances Aminul faced.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Hello Johan

Well, you couldn't or wouldn't have known!

I think it is impossible to imagine the loss because it is so personal.

Some perverted sense of curiousity in me wonders about the degree of pain in losing an unborn child of 3 months conception, of 2 years and of 14 years. Having had a miscarriage after 2 months and later losing a child of 2 years, I wouldn't hesitate to say that it gets harder as the child is older. :(

Pat said...

I'm sorry I come so late to this, dear Lita. I'm in a mire all of my own making, so . . . .

I, too, am saddened at the way this is going. Instead of dealing with the issue at hand, 'they' are pulling all sorts of stuff out of the closet - as if that can make a difference.

Yes, a life has been lost. A young life. That could have been my son's, or my daughter's. And so for me, the pain is just as real.

It matters not to me if he was cute, or handsome, or downright ugly. It matters not to me if he was an angel who did just this one wrong, or a little minx who drove his family nuts with his antics!

All that matters is that he is no longer here. And one policeman didn't think before he whipped out his weapon and took aim. So many times. And yet, he walks free, pending 'investigation'.

I have a knot in my stomach, and I have tears in my eyes - always, when I see his name, and know what could have been, and is no more.

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Estrelita, drop by my place. Have something interesting for you, *wink*. Lee.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Pat, no apologies were needed. I understand why you were busy.

I'm just glad you came by when you were ready.

So how's the sun, sea and surf?


Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Lee, That was a fabulous surprise for me and all the other women that you honoured. Thank you so much for giving each of us a jumpstart to a huge longlasting smile!

Hugssssssssssssssssssssss for you! ;)