19 March 2012

To forgive, one must forget.

"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful
form of love. In return, you will receive
untold peace and happiness." 
- Dr. Robert Muller

I love talking to people. I should qualify that by adding "especially with the sensible ones". 

Everybody has a story to share. Some stories we will hate and wonder about. Some stories we will like and some we will love. The stories that we love are the ones that trigger some switch in our mind and makes us see things better.  The lesson for me is that in some stories when revenge is the motive for anger and hatred, it is better to walk away.

Unfortunately, some people  want to be friends with you just so they can disagree with everything you say. They just don't know any other way of filling their lives. They grumble about everything you mention but don't ever consider that they can choose to ignore you.

I had a bad experience recently.  I was friends with a couple.  Then "A" got dumped by "B".   "A" surprisingly began claiming that "B" was the most awful person on earth.  "A" found joy in cursing and swearing about "B" in every opportunity.  "A" claimed she was happy to be rid of "B",  but it wasn't enough. "A" had to round up the cavalry for support.  "A" wanted everyone to agree with her that she had suffered unfairly.  I didn't get it.  If someone awful is out of one's life, shouldn't one be glad?  Shouldn't one rejoice, even celebrate?   Why is it so hard to walk away?  Like a moth to a flame, "A" kept going on and on about it.  

Recently, I've learnt that it is a much better thing to remove yourself from a situation that harms your soul and which brings out the bully in you.  I had this person challenging me to remain civil and turning a blind eye to the ever-increasing intrusion into my space.  Every time she found an opportunity, she would jump on it.  For a while, I thought I'd be the bigger person and let her rant and rave.  Soon, I realised that what she really wanted was for me to join her choir.  She wanted me to rant and rave with her.  She wanted me on her side. Sadly for her, I wasn't going to play her game.

In the end, I found myself retaliating one for one.

In the end, I realise that it gave me no joy to be "mean" and "spiteful".  In wanting to win, it became a sin. The sin was allowing this other person to make me be what I am not. 

Tupac Shakur says what I feel perfectly, “You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happened... or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the ....... on.” 

Finally, I decided to move on. Just like that. I did my best to reach her. I tried to be soft. I tried to be hard.    Nothing worked.  Even having a platform to let loose her steam wasn't enough.  I hoped that she would find comfort in knowing I understood. She wasn't interested.    So now, she can continue to preach to her clan.  Sad to say, "I'm done.  She's done.  We're done."

“There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.”
♡ French Proverb 


Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.
- Rodin 

and, finally, I'm going to take Dale Carnegie's advice

It isn't what you have,
who you are,
where you are,
or what you are doing
that makes you happy or unhappy.
It's what you think about. 

I forgive her and, now, I'm going to forget her.

(Credit for all pics found on FB)


Small Kucing said...

I am not sure how to qualify this but i used to be like A. Then I realised "what for? it is waste of my time".

Now, instead of harping about such and such person and whatever "perceived" (mind i wrote perceive coz others might not agree with me) wrong that i felt they had done me, I would just "drop" that person from my life.

Pat said...

I agree with you: once you've done all you can, you should just move on. Otherwise, you will yourself become toxic.

I'll light a joss-stick for you tonight. I have lovely rose and lavender ones. And as their fragrant smoke rises, I'll think of you smiling; and free of all the things that get you down.


STEEST said...

Small Kucing,

I am glad that you realised that yourself. I was hoping that I could help her. In the end, I was not able to reach her. I guess she doesn't want to be helped.

I thought that if I were in those shoes, I would want someone to make an effort to breakthrough and get me to see the senseless waste of all the negative energy.

I guess we can't win every war.

STEEST said...


That is such a nice gesture and I appreciate it.

I shall always think of this kindness whenever I smell Roses or Lavender.