24 November 2008

A dedication to Eric

Receiving a poem dedication today, I remembered writing one myself, way back in January 1993. I've written many but never published any. Now that I have a blog, it's only fitting that the first ever poem I post, should be dedicated to this little fella who left such a dent in our lives.

Eric (March 1990 - July 1992)

Once upon a time, there was a little boy
with curly brown hair, who gave me such joy

He was my son. I called him Eric
cute as could be, but then he was sick

He was delightful with his cheeky ways
keeping me busy through all of his days

He had a hole in his heart, known as VSD
not many knew, except for the family

At two, he had to have open-heart surgery
how painful for him and for me such misery

But he was brave and smiled even in the ICU
My precious child, experiencing something new

He recovered from the ordeal and came back
Then he had a hypertension attack

He collapsed at home, near his brother and I
We both panicked and feared that he would die

With terror in our hearts and such pain in mine
I suddenly felt he would leave us behind

I relived again all the tension and stress
realising that I could have one person less

I held my son and whispered a prayer
"Don’t take him, Lord, just don’t you dare!"

How could I endure some more pain?
Would I survive it? Would I be sane?

Six months later, I'm still grieving inside,
so much to let go off and so much to hide

I love you, Eric Joseph, and I always will
and life for me is like walking uphill

It's so difficult, not having you now
but I have to manage, someway, somehow

I had you dear Eric, for only two years
now all I have left, are just my tears

You've gone somewhere better, that I know
But it's hard to be happy when I miss you so

My "Once upon a time", is just a short chapter
Without the "they lived happily ever after."
-17 January 1993-
The 2 brothers, Jared John and Eric Joseph in 1991


TheWhisperer said...

That hurts, Lita.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

TheWhisperer: Blogstalking me! Thanks for sharing my pain. :)

Patricia said...

Dear Lita,

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. But be comforted that he will forever live in your heart. And the memories will only be sweet ones.



Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Patricia: Thanks! Did you check your gmail yet?

And yes, the memories are all sweet and vivid.


Jarod said...

Lita, sorry for your lost.

I am also lonely for I am the only child. I remember my mom was suppose to bore a child but did not succeed.

Hence Jared loneliness is understandable. TC

shanghaistephen said...

Damn......I was brought to tears. So sorry for your loss but when I see your Jared I know you see Eric in him ! This is all so sad but hey I'm sure he's up there watching you carry a candle every Sunday for him and for the cause you believe in !
Godbless the innocents and the vigilers !

hijau-kiri said...

Dear Lita,

Your son is definitely in a better place.It is during quiet moments and knowing that our loved ones are no longer with us that we feel so much closer to them.

I saw you taking the photo of the hotspot.

Sivin Kit said...

thank you for sharing this ...

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Jarod: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it!

You take care now. You have a new family of vigil friends. Loneliness will be a thing of the past now. God bless!


Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Shanghaistephen: Oh Stephen! Damn ..... I hadn't meant to make people feel sad for me. But I appreciate so much your confessing that it brought you to tears. It tells me you understand my loss.

Thank you so much. :)

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

hijau-kiri: Thank you for your kindness. Many who read this will be unable to say anything. I understand that. But for those that do, I appreciate the effort so very much.

I was wondering if anyone would notice me taking a picture of the hotspot! Now I know. :)

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Sivin Kit: I'm really happy that I did share. Thank you for coming by. :)

Mel & Sham said...

God bles Eric Joseph

peng said...

Lita, I would not be truthful if I say I know what you went through this in this loss. In fact I don't. It is admirable that you still have faith in life and humanity. May God continue to bless you and your family. You have beautiful sons.

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Mel&Sham: Thank you for that. :)

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

peng: Thank you for your honesty.
Often when people say, I understand, I think to myself "no, you don't".

Sharing this online has helped me a bit. Hope to meet you again soon. :)

diannegalistan said...

I miss Eric too. But he still lives in our heart and he is happy now with God. Don't worry Godma, he will be there waiting for you when the time comes and you will get to hug him. I knw how it feels..and now everyone is looking at me...coz im crying..reading Eric's article on your blog...

Be strong and trust in God...as He has his reasons for everything. God Bless you and Family!!

Jenn Girl

cancan said...

Dear Lita, I share your pain.

But please be strong to continue with your life for Eric will be forever in your heart.

Anonymous said...

LadyRP remembers............
knowing u dear Lita in the
midst of a loss too so many
years ago YET....

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

JennGirl: Yeah, I am glad he is remembered and for sure, happy wherever he is now.

Love you too! :)

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Cancan: Thank you for your kind visit and comment. It is a long time since 1992 and the memories of him keep me going.

I'm glad I got to share this. :)

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

LadyRP: Yes, my dear friend. You remembered as I knew you would.

Thanks for your comment. Hugs and love for you :)

Anonymous said...

Lita, being tossing in bed whole of last night thinking about Eric,Jared, Steph, and the poem. I too shared what you been through when my mom passed, but she did not know Jesus.

What's considered lost on earth, is a gain in heaven coz Eric's knows that too,look at his T-shirt.
Yes, he is happy and knows that his brother Jerad will received unconditioned love from you too.

16 Yrs on, many more new chapters in life ought to be written and the whole family now will continue on, living a full life thats worthy of Eric and Jesus name.

March on you "STEEST" strong and mighty family!! We have many more challenges ahead! And together, we shall overcome.

God Bless

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...


Fortunately, I only saw your comment this morning. Otherwise I would have also tossed and turned thinking that I made you feel so sad.

What I thought would be praises for my writing poetry, turned out to be so unexpected. People felt my loss, shared my sadness and some even cried. Well, I cried too when I posted it. But I'm back to the same Lita that you see at the vigils!

Thank you for your friendship. I appreciate it. God bless you!


God Bless

Shakun said...

Had tears in my eyes reading this!! He'll always be loved and remembered!!

Anonymous said...

Hi ,
I was depressed this morning but was even more sadder to read your poem. Sgh! time flies doesnt it? When I see vayshna, I think of ERICcos they would be the same age and I have wondered how they would be together now. Jared? needelss to say he is the son I will never have. I am glad I have my time with him. He will never know what a crazy aunty I am.
Take care, wish I could blog like you but I dont have the time and I might end up writing nonsense as well.
It was really a nice poem.
Love you,

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

young-at-heart Sis:

Thanks for your lovely comment. We both got lucky that our kids are so close. Just as Jared is like your son, your girls are like the daughters I neve had too.

You always use your time wisely, so don't worry about blogging. But don't give up on it entirely. One day you just may wind up doing it, just like me - An accidental blogger!

Love you too!

Estrelita Soliano Grosse said...

Shakun: I meant to show how clever I am at writing poems and ended up making so many people sad :(

Cheer up ok, our lives had been enriched even by his short time with us. :)

LC Teh said...

Life is impermanent. At least he didn't have to suffer for too long...

STEEST said...


In that you are right. The one who suffered the longest was me. :(